Contemplating Facebook...

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about Facebook. "Social Networking" has become the latest greatest fad. I recently even saw a bottle of ketchup with a logo on the label saying "find us on Facebook!" Sheesh! I am on it, and I am "friends" with all my family, some local friends, people I went to school with, and some folks I met online. It is a fun way to connect with people and see what is going on in their world, and how quickly their children are growing. I have been thrilled to tears on more than one occasion to find a long lost friend from my past on Facebook. I have caught up with them and reconnected. It's been wonderful.
As time has gone by, my interactions with my "Facebook friends" has evolved in a way that is less than pleasing. At first, I would regularly comment on other statuses, and my friends always had something to say to me. There was an actual INTERACTION that was fun. I also shared emails, private messages, and actually (gasp) phone conversations with my friends. But as time passes, I find that more and more Facebook has become just a giant electronic extension of ego. People are so focused on putting themselves on display, they forget to actually interact with anyone else. It becomes a lot of "look at me! Look at me!" The phone calls have stopped. I find that there are a great many people with whom I always am the initiator of contact. It's much too easy to forgo real genuine friendship because we "see" each other online. There is a feeling of connection and camaraderie, but it is counterfeit. Jimmy Kimmel was right, Facebook has cheapened friendship.
And there have been several people on my friends list whom I dearly love and care for, but whose statuses are at times…unpalatable. And this is in no way a judgment on them as people. One's Facebook page is one's own, and each person has the right to post whatever they choose. But my Facebook feed is also my own. And I have the right to choose what I do and do not want to see on it. I may choose to simply hide you from my feed, thereby missing not only the disagreeable posts but also the other things you have to say. I may choose to delete you entirely. Doing either of those things is NOT about YOU. It's about ME. It's about what kind of things I want put in front of my face. It's not political, it's not social injustice, it's not bigotry, and it's NOT intolerance. I simply don't want my feed littered with F-bombs, cuss words, and vulgarity. I don't want to know when you are intimate with your significant other. I don't want to know personal details about your private life or your bodily functions. I'm not asking anyone not to post it, I'm just choosing not to look at it. And if anyone can't accept that, then THEY are the intolerant one, not me!
In addition, I have been thinking about my "friends list." There are some people on it who aren't really friends. They don't ever talk to me, comment, or interact with me in any way. So why do I want them to have a window into my private life? Why should I allow them access to what I'm doing, and information about my family, and pictures of our lives? I am preparing to do some more trimming from my list. If you are among those who get deleted, please do not take it personally. I promise you it's not personal. My Facebook profile is my own, and no one has a right to it. I am happy to share my life via social networking with those who are genuinely my friends and who really care about me, but I really don't need to lay myself bare for those who are just nosey or who don't even pay any attention anyway. As always, anyone who wants to keep in touch with me can do so by email, snail mail, or phone. I am not going anywhere.
And if, once again, my choice to downsize my friend list for my own personal reasons makes others think badly of me, so be it. If you think "unfriending" someone is some sort of crime against humanity then you have a lot to learn. I wish ill of no one.

The Content Sigh

One day as I sat on the floor with my child in my lap, hugging and gently swaying him back and forth, I heard a small sigh of contentment from him. I looked down to see his precious smile. I hadn't even realized what a habbit I had of this, but when I am cuddling with him I feel so relaxed, so at peace, so content, that my body relaxes and I sigh. A small, sweet, happy noise. Kind of a gentle hum. James has now aquired this habit to show his peace and contentment. It makes me happier than I can tell you.

Today as I sat down to type this post, he climbed onto my chair behind me, sat on my back as I leaned forward to give him room, laid his chin on my shoulder and just sighed. I smiled. "What are you doing, Mommy?" "I'm blogging," I told him. "I want to blog too."

I'm telling you, all the educational programs, books, videos, software, schools, preschools, and other intellectual gimicks in the world don't teach a child half as much as the time he spends at the side of his mother and father, doing daily tasks and routines. What have your children learned at your side today? Share with me by adding your comment below.

Mommy, I'm growing it!

I have had a very eventful week. A lot has happened, and I have observed and learned so much. I am blessed and so thankful to God for the family he has given me and all the things I have taken for granted all my life. I am still working on sorting through my thoughts and emotions related to recent events, and will share about that when I can get it into words.

Tonight, as James and I were playing in the back yard, I was again contemplating the day. I needed to water my little raised bed container vegetable garden. I got out my half gallon pitcher and filled it to carry water to my little plants. (I don't have a hose for the back yard, nor would I trust leaving one there thanks to my little furry companions back there!) James came up to me and wanted to help me carry the water, so he put his hand on the handle with mine and we walked to the garden and poured the water in. Then I gave him the pitcher and told him to go back and get more water. He ran back to the spigot so excitedly it made me chuckle.

I turned on the water and filled the pitcher about two thirds full and for whatever reason, decided to allow James to carry it all by himself this time. I laughed to myself as he hugged the pitcher and stomped across the yard, sloshing the water out all over himself with every step. He got to the garden and I told him to pour the water in, which he did in one giant torrent right in the middle. I told him he did great and we returned to the spigot. This time I only filled it half full and he did a better job carrying it. I directed him to put water on this plant, and this plant. By this time he was so incredibly proud of himself, it was a joy to watch. He announced "I'm growing them! Mommy, I'm growing them!" We talked about how the plants drink water through thier roots, and how they use the dirt and water and sunshine to grow. At one point he looked across the yard where the dogs lounged and told me "The doggies are watching me."

After the garden was watered and James was back to running and laughing with his buddy the weiner dog, I got to thinking. Many days I would have been annoyed at his insistence with helping me. Letting him carry the water himself made us have twice as many trips to get the amount of water we needed. But if I had been bent on doing it myself for the sake of efficiency, look what I would have missed! Look at the joy, the self-confidence, the sense of accomplishment and involvement that simple activity gave my son. As I thought about this, I pulled my blackberry from my pocket and posted a message to my facebook account. "I am learning that the process is as important as the result. Often more so."

As I posted, a song that I hadn't heard in a long time came to mind. Joy in the Journey, by Michael Card. It has been playing in my mind all evening. I found it on youtube and listened again.

There is a joy in the journey. There's a light we can love on the way. There is a wonder and wildness to life. And freedom for those who obey. All those who seek it shall find it, a pardon for all who believe. Hope for the hopeless and sight for the blind. To all who've been born of the Spirit, and who share incarnation with him; who belong to eternity stranded in time, and weary of struggling with sin. Forget not the hope that's before you. And never stop counting the cost. Remember the hopelessness when you were lost. There is a joy in the journey. There's a light we can love on the way. There is a wonder and wildness to life. And freedom for those who obey. And freedom for those who obey.

I decided to revise and re-direct my blog. I hope to use this a tool to reflect on and to share with others the joy that is in my journey. I hope to keep it always in the forefront of my thinking that how we get there and what we do on the way is as important as where we are going.

God's blessings, Heather

Taxes.....UGH!

Here it is, middle of March, and I STILL don't have all our personal tax stuff done! Thought I had it all organized exactly as I needed, but then looked at the 1099 and the numbers DON'T MATCH!! So now I have to redo my spreadsheet and separate every tiny category so I can tell what is and what is not included in the amount that the trucking company reported to the IRS as our income. They have included amounts that they should NOT, I can tell that much for sure. And needless to say, Rick is MAD! It is all so aggrivating. This should be finished by now.

Well, enough ranting.....on to work on my spreadsheet some more. *sigh*

The source of my strength

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
(Psalm 103:11-17)

Dear friends, I am so achingly sorry to report that our precious baby is lost. We do not pretend to know why this joy was placed in our life only to be lost so soon, but we place our trust firmly on the Rock of our Lord. We know that he purposes all things for good, and we praise him for his infinite love and compassion.

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. (Psalm 30: 5)

If you can't say something nice SHUT YOUR YAP!

Today was the day for one of my least favorite tasks. We needed to go to WalMart. I wanted to get there early enough that we could get done before J got tired. I should have had plenty of time, but for some reason he started to hit the proverbial wall very early. He was already tired and tired of being there, but he was behaving quite well, all things considered. We got to the checkout and all of about four lanes were open, each of them backed up into the aisles with people with FULL carts! So we stood in line for quite a while, which didn't do much to improve J's mood. But still, he did quite well. As our items were being bagged he ate a banana and was content. He had asked me when we first entered to ride the truck (the kiddie ride they have there now). So after we checked out I took him to the truck. He was happy, but refused to get in the truck. He still insisted that I spend my fifty cents so that he could stand there and watch it go back and forth. ;) Afterward, it was near impossible to convince him it was time to leave, but I did. He wanted to walk, which was fine, but I told him he had to either push the cart (so that he would be between me and the cart where I could grab him if he started to dart away) or he would have to ride in it. He was adamant about walking, but refused to walk with me and push the cart. As we approached the door I gave him his last chance to choose and he still wanted to walk about three feet to the right of me, which would not be safe outside the store. I picked him up to put him in the cart, and the fight was on! He was tired and cranky and wasn't getting his way. He was screaming "I wanna walk! I wanna walk!" and he was flailing as I tried to put him in the cart.

Into the midst of this scene walks a stranger who apparently thinks that I need his opinion on the matter. He let out a low whistle, and one of those "laughs" that's not really a laugh, but a wordless comment. You know the kind I mean. Then he says to my child in a "holier than thou" tone of voice, "wheeeewww, you're lucky you're not one of MY grandkids!" I tell you what, if I had not been in the middle of manhandling a flailing toddler, I would have let this creep have it! Once James was seated I turned around but couldn't tell who it was that made the comment. I was FUMING. I seriously wanted a piece of that jerk! I still, hours later, would love to get him in front of me and tell him just how it is. I would probably have been able to roll my eyes and let it go, had I not been so overly emotional with pregnancy.

But you know what? All the way home, I kept thinking about it. How did this man know what on earth type of situation I was dealing with? He walked in and saw a non-cooperative screaming toddler. What if the child had a disability that causes behavioral problems? What if the child was on medication that causes aggression? What if he was a foster child who had been subjected to abuse previously? What if? What if? What if? Not to mention, it was NONE OF HIS FLIPPING BUSINESS!!!! Why can't people just keep thier mouths shut? Why do people feel it's acceptable and appropriate to comment on other people's parenting skills in public? Why would someone imply a child ought to be corporally punished when they have never met the child and no nothing about him/her? What ever happened to decency, understanding and respect? Huh? Huh? HUH????

So please, next time you are out in public and see a parent struggling with a difficult or misbehaving child, please be kind and reassuring or walk away and keep your mouth shut. No other response is going to be good for anyone involved.

A rough day

It has not been an easy day for me today. I have been sick to my stomach most of the day. Not ill, just .....queasy. And I got a killer headache that only went away after I had some Mt. Dew. I am trying to wean myself off the caffeine, but it is not going well.

James seems to finally be back to himself. His behavior has improved as have his appetite and his sleeping patterns. It is so nice to have my sweet boy back.

I had a good night at work tonight. I was feeling so poorly that I didn't even want to go, but since I had an appointment, I knew I would actually make some money tonight so I went. Alas, just minutes before the appointment, the client called and cancelled. I was annoyed, but shortly thereafter we had a walk in. I was able to take the walk in, for which I am thankful. It ended up being a very nice return, lots of meat on its bones. I made more money on the walk in that I imagine I would have from the appointment.

Week 9

Again, an excerpt from babyfit.com, my favorite website!

Your baby continues to grow to about the size of a ripe, juicy, and adorable grape-1 to 1.25 inches long. Baby's arms and legs are growing longer, and the shapes of the wrist and fingers are forming while the hands fold gently over his or her heart. Toes are starting to appear too!

Your baby's neck is also forming, so that the head is not slightly lifted from the chest. Eyes and ears are fully formed, but without eyelids. And, your baby is a small ball of energy as his or her limbs and body are starting to move (although you won't feel it just yet.)

Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Hard to believe all that is going on in there silently and unnoticed. Isn't it wonderful how God made us with the power to create life in this amazing way? We truly are fearfully and wonderfully made! I am still blessed to not be having morning sickness per se, but I do have waves of nausea. Nothing I can't breathe through, but it's annoying. Especially yesterday, when we discovered that the bean is not a fan of the hickory burger! The mood swings are still happening, but have calmed down tremendously, which is a very good thing, as I was thinking I was going off the deep end there for a bit.

J is feeling quite a bit better, sleeping better, and his behavior has improved also. This is a relief to EVERYONE, as he had really been quite a capital butt head recently. I'm sure it was just a combination of cabin fever, being sick, and having a lot of changes going on in his life. He was a little unsure what to think of my mom moving to her new house. Yesterday we spent the morning over there and let him box up some of his toys and help carry the boxes to the car and into the new house and unpack them in his new bedroom. I hope this will help him understand the concept of what is happening and not be so flipped out by it. Pretty soon they will have moved enough to be staying at the new house full time while they continue to sort and pack and move the rest of thier things.

Work is going well, but is quite slow now. This is normal for it to slow down at this time, but it is aggrivating to leave my son, drive to town, sit around and do nothing for three hours. I am thinking of taking at least one day a week off for the rest of the season, if I can clear it with my boss.

Week 8

(Excerpt from Babyfit.com)

Your baby is about the size of a lima bean, just 0.5 inches to 0.75 inches (2cm) in length but so darned cute already! The folds that will form your baby's eyelids are forming on the face, while nerve cells in the retina are developing, paving tghe way for sight. The very tip of your baby's nose is now present, and thier tiny ears are forming both on the outside and inside of the head, as nerve pathways related to hearing develop. The tubes connecting the lungs and throat are sprouting, and their arms are growing longer. In fact, your baby now has a pair of elbows!

This has been quite a week. James has been very ill and not sleeping well, which means I have not slept well. On top of the lack of sleep, the pregnancy hormones have my emotions on a crazy rollar coaster ride. I have been weepy, silly, and wearing my heart on my sleeve. I took James to the doctor and was less than thrilled with the way that went down. But in the end, he was put on antibiotic, so hopefully that knocks out whatever he has going on, be it ear infection and bronchitis like the doc thinks, or strep throat like I suspect. I will definately be seeking a new pediatrician for the baby. I had decided that even before this recent visit, but that day just cemented the choice.

James has been learning his left and right. We work on it a lot. When putting on clothes and shoes, going for a walk, all kinds of things. He got the concept right away, it's just a matter of memorization as to which is which. He is super smart.

Week 7

This excerpt came from Babyfit.com, one of my all time favorite websites!

Your baby's growth spurt is officially beginning, though it's not something you can see or feel. At the start of the week your baby measures between 0.16" to 0.2" (4 to 5 mm), but by the end of the week he or she can be half an inch (1.3 cm) long!
Your baby's heart is growing larger-from all of your love-creating a small bulge on his or her tiny body. The right and left chambers of the heart begin to form, along with air passages to the lungs. Although your baby's eyes and nose are still on this side of his or her head, they are beginning to develop. The brain is also starting to partition itself into chambers. While the appendix is already in place, the intestines remain partly in the umbilical cord and won't ascend into your baby's abdomen for a few more weeks. Tiny buds that will become legs begin to form, and the arm buds begin growing. These are already dividing into two sections--one that will form the hand and another that will form the arm and shoulder.

I am still having virtually no symptoms whatsoever. I have a few friends who are about as far along as I am now, and they are really battling the morning sickness, so I am very thankful that it seems as though I will be skipping that particular joy again with this pregnancy. My only real issue is that I am very tired all the time. This is magnified by the fact that James is not sleeping well lately. Last night I spent several fitful hours on his bedroom floor so that he would stay in his bed. This too shall pass!

We know it is early in the game, but we have begun to look at our birthing options for this new blessing of ours. We think we have narrowed it down to either having a homebirth with a midwife, or going to a freestanding birth center which is also attended by midwives. Of course, this is with the assumption that I continue to have a normal, healthy, risk free pregnancy. I cannot begin to describe how elated I feel at the prospect of giving birth naturally, freely, and at home, the way I have dreamed of ever since James was born! Please join me in praying for my health and that of the baby, that we can accomplish this goal! I am working hard at mitigating whatever risk factors I can to work toward that end. I have begun regular exercise and am being careful about my diet, as well as decreasing my daily soda intake significantly, and working hard towards cutting it out completely. Any and all encouragement and support you can offer is most welcome.

God's Blessings, Heather

Drumroll Please.........

We are thrilled to share our news. James will be a big brother! Expect our new blessing in early October.